“It took Aaron a minute to find his voice again. Neil waited, then realized he'd answered his own question.” Why?" "When I first said you would be Court, why were you upset with me?" "Because I knew it'd never happen," Neil said, "but I wanted it anyway." Kevin said nothing. "But he's fighting you every step of the way. When he comes off these drugs and has nothing else to hold him up I will give him something to build his life around." "He agreed to this?" Neil asked. "I was the first person who ever looked at Andrew and told him he was worth something. "Andrew has neither purpose nor ambition," Kevin said.
A sober Andrew is…" Kevin thought for a moment, trying to remember her exact words, and crooked his fingers at Neil as he quoted, "destructive and joyless. His high school counselor saw the difference between his junior and senior years and swore this medicine saved his life. Finally he explained, "Andrew on his drugs is useless, but Andrew off his drugs is worse. "He's waiting to see if I can keep it." "I don't understand." Kevin said nothing for so long Neil almost gave up waiting for an answer. “I made him a promise." Kevin dragged his stare away from Neil's face to follow Andrew's progress.
He didn't want to look away, as if by holding Andrew's gaze he could somehow save this moment.” Neil saw it in his peripheral vision but didn't take his eyes off Andrew to see Matt's reaction. "You were amazing." He meant it for Andrew's ears only, but Allison was close enough to overhear. Hopefully Andrew would figure it out eventually. He couldn't say he meant thanks for all of it: the keys, the trust, the honesty, and the kisses. He didn't want to leave Andrew with nothing, but what could he possibly say? "Thank you," he finally said. They wouldn't know what he was saying and they would have to react like he was spilling every dark secret. German was the obvious answer because it would afford them a little bit of privacy, but Romero and Jackson didn't understand German. Neil wanted to answer that, but he didn't know how. He crossed the room to stand in front of Neil, a silent demand in his stare. Only Andrew saw the strain in Neil's mask. “They were all right here with him still but he missed them with a ferocity that threatened to turn him inside-out. I wasn't much but it was more than enough.” He dug his fingers in before letting go, not quite hard enough to hurt and said, "that's why." Then Andrew was back, as calm and uncaring as always and he caught Neil's wrist to push his hand to his side. In the space of one breath, Andrew's expression went so dark Neil almost retreated. "No," Andrew said and Neil's hand froze a breath from Andrew's arm.Īndrew went still as well and they stood for a minute in awful silence.įinally, Andrew looked back at him, but for a moment, Neil didn't know who he was looking at. Neil reached for him, unwilling to let him leave without a real answer. You know it isn't-Andrew wait!" he insisted but Andrew was turning away like he couldn't hear Neil anymore. “After everything they did to you, how can you stand me?" Neil asked.He gestured between them knowing Andrew would understand.
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